Make Mine a Mai Tai

Cut to Wednesday night when I was out in my black polka-dot thong with Cha-Cha and Rizzo at Topaz Bar on N Street. Cha-Cha and Rizz and I were at Vassar together years ago and let me tell you, these two ladies are a couple of hot tamales!

We were having a fabulous time being catty, catching up, and swilling plenty of dirty martinis and gibsons. I turned to go to the bar and asked the girls if they needed refills. Cha-Cha replied "Sure, but make mine a Mai Tai."

She had me at Mai Tai. I thought 'Who in 2006, besides blue haired, Botox-less geri's in Boca would order a Mai Tai??'

"Mai Tai?" I asked. "Yep," said Cha-Cha. In my obnoxious tipsy state, I raised both hands, leaned back, and joked "Why not just make it a pina colada?" I thought it odd that neither Rizz nor Cha-Cha laughed along with me; in fact, Cha-Cha just lowered her eyebrows at me, so I kept on my way to the bar.

I asked the bartender for two dirties and a Mai Tai with extra fruit garnish and chuckled silently at myself while I waited for the drinks. I paid for the drinks on my tab and walked back across the bar with two martinis and a pink drink ... "Martini for Rizzo and Mai Tai for Cha-Cha."

"What the hell is this?" asked Cha-Cha.

(Blank Sassy stare) "Your Mai Tai."

"HAHAHA. I didn't order a Mai Tai. I told you to put it on MY TAB. I was wondering why you said Pina Colada!" laughed Cha-Cha.

So you see, girls, Aunt Sassy's lesson of the day is that when you have one foot in your mouth and the other is knee deep in vodka and olive juice, it's best to just let someone else do the ordering.